ooooo were traveling back in time for this one, back before we were even fucking born. Don’t drive, groovy skate your way on down to the black forest, get fucked up, even though this takes place in a time before the DUII, and perhaps even the skateboard, but fuck you this is our story. Drinks will still be priced the same as they are in 2015, so you get no special deals there, other than The Black Forests already dangerously cheap drink prices. You wont be getting any $.05 beers or any shit like that, so stop fucking asking, we may be time traveling but this is music, there are rules, mark it dude. For every beer you drink, a percentage of that goes towards the fucking KRYPTONITE(new phrase, just coined it) bands on here Pantheon, Wade Graham, The Architex, AND The Athiarchists converting it into drugs and or bad decisions either later in the night or probably the next day, but that’s not your choice, your choice is to come to the show, and that is a choice, you don’t have to come, and no one is saying hey come to this fucking show or………or what? No no one is fucking threatening you, so just fucking wait until two days after this show and smoke some weed, or if you want to break the law like we all do, fucking smoke in your car at the show, or outside your car, or next to someone elses car if you don’t have one, how about on your fucking skateboard? Just bring your fucking skateboard and get a free CD, that is the only way you get a free CD, is if you bring your skateboard to the show, infact if you show us some way listening to this CD before the show has altered your life in some way, you get a free CD So if you have never made a decision on your own in life, not putting you down or anything I’m just saying if you are ready to turn over some new leaf, grab your friends, or you know what fuck it, don’t bring any of your friends, grab some random person off the street and say hey lets go catch a show. Once your friend figures out you’re not at BUNKO they will text you and then you can tell them where you are at….But always charge them a cover, tell them you paid for them to get in so then they will have to buy you a beer, you get a free beer, we get paid more, your friend that probably owes you 5 beers anyway ends up paying for 2, sounds like a pretty fucking fair deal to me, shit even tell them if they buy the band shots they get a free CD, and take your cut, just like selling TV’s or stereo systems to people in a Wal Mart parking lot, make that paper, or liquid, whichever you prefer, we prefer paper liquid….allow that to soak in.
And to anyone saying ok they’re going to have this skateboard thing in every city they go to and whatever yeah yeah yeah put words in our mouth fuck you. No. This is the fucking CD release show(CD release tours are simply called tours), granted were going to be playing in your moms fucking living room Thursday afternoon with our shirts off and there’s not a god damn thing you can do about it. And were going to have CD’s with us but its not going to be in the same atmosphere. that fog of exhaled beer and a full spectrum of liquor burped, coughed, farted, and expectorated into the air, looking up through the fog to see a combination of people you know, people you don’t know, people you thought you would never see again, and people you never wanted to see again. All the while 4 bands will be playing on one stage throughout the night that is covered in more dried up sweat, blood, and spilled alcohol than anywhere else in Eugene. There will be madness in any direction, at any hour hour. It will be like sailing the seas in a 150 person boat among a sea of sunken boats of the same fleet, surrounded by bigger newer futuristic boats full of stupid fucking people that order drinks with paragraph long descriptions, slowly trying to destroy any and all creativity and art in the world, while at the same time pushing the monuments that created this city out, replacing stages with simply 4 tables and chairs, so 20 more people can show up and enjoy the football game. At the Black Forest you can see the football game, the band, and beer, and liquor, all in one place, every fucking night of the week, and 6/29 will just be another one of those nights.
we do like to barter though, so if you don’t like to pay cash for things, we have a lot of touring to do and we have to get proper nutrients in us to keep raging. We will gladly take cases of PBR in cans exchange for whatever at current market price, no marking shit up a case is a case and that is the price, were not going to buy single beers off you for $2, if you must we will accept glass bottles, but if you do then you obviously have never ridden in a fucking mobile stage, that shit will break and Dano will be licking it off the floor. Chances are if you bring us beer to trade for CD’s or shirts you will end up drinking half the case with us at some point so its a good deal. Fucking cheetohs are great, non perishable bomb ass stoner food of all kinds kicks ass. the occasional adrenaline shot like they had on pulp fiction is always a good thing to have around. Pizza is #1 above anything else below #0 which is PBR, but it is a hot perishable food item, so I guess if 45 people brought pizza to trade at The Athiarchists open source underground tax free flea market, we would just have a big fucking pizza party and all listen to the same CD. I fucking love pizza parties.
ALSO, and this is a big also because we are doing this at a bar that small children, teenagers, and young adults are strictly forbidden from attending as per ORS 184.108.40.206.6. If you are unable to enter the bar because you are under the age of 21, we will give you a CD as well…..then we would like you to write a 3 page essay on how the CD changes your life….were fronting the CD to you, if you don’t end up writing the essay we will reposes that and any computer you have ripped it on to…and we will tell your parents. Then again we will be raging who knows where in the mobile stage and that is always all ages, so if you want to feel like alive, and hear the booming bass and resonant sounds coming out every time the door opens, come on down and get your fucking free CD. And don’t try and pull any bullshit here, were in our 30’s and we know what someone looks like that is under 21.
…………………..and it’s gametime……S&H